Friday – I’m glad I was playing the long game!!

Malcolm Forbes (an author from the US) said once "It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem." This is not to far wrong. I am using it as my thought for the month of June, and I'm not going to be suggesting stupid answers to any problems." In case you were wondering – my thought for the month of May was "Married men should forget their mistakes, there is no use two people remembering them!"

I told you I was playing the long game about the rota and having to travel about 1 ½ hours each way to work. I'd investigated the train which would work. I tried to contact the team leaders who sort it all out, but they were in meetings (what are all these meetings about I wonder?)

Work was filled with an assortment of calls, and after yesterday, I was quite happy, because of actually being able to help people. Today was my turn to drive the ambulance, and so it wasn't that I had to use my thinking head much (not that I've got much of one anyway).

Anyway – back to the long game I mentioned – as the day was drawing to an end – I got a phone call from some big boss in Ambulance HQ with a job offer. The offer wasn't out of the blue, I had applied for the position, but hadn't heard back. It was for a short 4 week stint of country relief. A little like my time in Geraldton, but this was going to be for 4 weeks – right up to my leave. That worked out fantastically as the extra money come in handy, so I don't need to work all hours of the week, and the days off coincide quite well with the planned flights I'm going to be taking to fly home.

The relief posting is in Mandurah (about 90kms south of me), and although it is called country relief, it is still just on the edge of Perth. Actually it's only about 20 minutes farther on than Rockingham – where they were going to send me, but I get paid accommodation, and extra allowances for Mandurah. It is still close enough that I can drive back up on my days off.

To celebrate, on the way home, I thought I'd get a small bottle of wine, and a pizza, and watch Big Brother, and I'm a Celebrity. My local off-licence was been knocked down, and rebuilt since I last went into it. It was huge now. I had so much choice; I left with only a bottle of Sprite in the end. I went to bed about 4 hours earlier than normal (10 pm instead of ½ the night on the sofa).

It's a holiday weekend (I'll find which holiday it is this time – some made up thing I'm sure) and the weather forecast if for rain and thunder till Monday evening, then clear. Some things are the same the world over.

Thursday – A good day at work (for some)

You must be tired of hearing me complain about the lack of work to do, when I'm actually at work, and have recently only been doing routine taxi jobs. I won't do that anymore (or at least for about another week anyway).

In Metro (as opposed to country) Operational Area there are something like 30 ambulance stations (I'm still refusing to call them depots), which have a number of ambulances operating from them. Every full time ambulance that operates has 2 paramedics permanently assigned to it from each shift. (I'm not in that privileged bunch) These guys never have to move around. Then there are the rest of us. Every eight weeks, we are told where our next posting is going to be.

I didn't get the best of postings, and hopefully that will change. I'm being sent to Rockingham (40 miles away), which is a little unrealistic, but still the mileage claim will be about £30 a day for me.

Anyway work today was filled with a lot more genuine cases of sick and injured people. A quick rundown for you;

1. A builder fell off a roof – hurt his arm and shoulder (Morphine and Ketamine given by me) (By the way, Ketamine is a very strong medication that makes you forget that you are in pain instead of blocking the pain. It is also a favourite recreational drug of some in Brighton)
   
2. A diabetic patient who had all of a sudden had her blood sugar go way out of control, going from High to Lo and then back to High and back to low very quickly. She is trailing an insulin pump, so that she doesn't need to have injections 4 times a day, but the pump was not working right.
   
3. A young mum who slipped in her house and broke her leg – We had to break in to the property (took an air conditioner out the wall and climbed through the hole (not me – the hole wasn't that big – we lowered one of the neighbours kids through the hole and she open the doors for us). She does some morphine as well
   
4. 3 car crashes – one of them, there was someone with a broken ankle (more morphine).
   

Sprinkled in between these were the usual hospital transfers and low priority calls, but at least I got to see some sick people, so it was a good day for me. I'm not particularly happy about Rockingham, but I've got a plan in place. I'll tell you about that tomorrow.

Wednesday – Can Men Multi-task??

It is a common myth that men can't multi-task. Lots of publications and T.V. talk shows espouse the myth, and sadly most men don't do anything to stop the myth perpetuating. All that said, alas sadly I think that I have helped the myth live for a while longer – but more about that later.

I was doing another shift of overtime. This time it was at an ambulance depot covering the area that I actually live in, so I thought I wouldn't be getting as lost as normal, while I was working at either Landsdale (out in the desert) or in Victoria Park (south of the Swan River). In the local A-Z map (I think I've mentioned before that it is strangely known as the UBD), all the ambulance station addresses are listed. I thought that I knew where Osbourne Park ambulance depot was actually located.

Another oddity (or difference) is that most of the Ambulance stations aren't situated on main roads, or are purpose built depots. In my experience – albeit very limited – ambulance stations in the UK are all purpose built, as there is a need for large garages, specific storage areas, offices, and large rest areas. It is understandable, as most residential areas in the UK have small properties, without the houses that have large garages and good access to most major areas.

Perth is slightly different. Except for a couple of the very new ambulance stations, or the very old, (Fremantle Ambulance Depot was built in 1958 – according to the plaque outside) the ambulance depots are just residential housed in residential areas. Osbourne Park depot is just a 4 bedroom (2 single beds in each – sleeping is encouraged on night shifts), 2 bathroom house, and then (because of the number of ambulances stationed there) the garage has been extended.

Anyway because of its location in a small residential area of Osbourne Park – mostly retail parks and industrial parks, I couldn't find the depot, and was late. That was quite embarrassing for me as it is only 10 minutes away from my flat. The other paramedic I work with is getting married in a week, and if I had to hear about "Patrick this and Patrick that" and all the wedding plans once, I must have heard about them 10 times. However, I did score an invite to a dinner out with others from Osbourne Park before the wedding.

After work I went to a little get together with the guys from my ambulance shift (Blue). While chatting away with some of the other paramedics, Jane rang me, and so I looked at my phone, and then in true men can't multi-task style (this time it was having a drink and using a phone) I put my drink to my ear, and my phone towards my mouth. By the time I answered my phone, I had poured a fair amount of drink down my shirt.

I'm going to have to concentrate on doing one thing at once in the future!!!

Tuesday – Plans are firming up

Every time my alarm clock goes off (groaning, and gnashing of teeth accompany the sound every morning), the very first thing I go every morning is tick off a countdown calendar of when I am flying back to the UK. It is getting closer every day, and if I remember it says something like 45 days left now. Jane and I were talking about what we have planned and my goodness, it isn't going to be a holiday.

We've penned in a few confirmed dates, and will be planning a load more later on. It is going to be hard for me to see everyone that I want to so in the three short weeks that I'm in England, with the packing up and cleaning of the house getting it ready to rent out when we are gone, and then saying goodbye to family in far flung corners of England.

Anyone who wants to come over to Shannon Close anytime, even if something is booked in, please drop by. We are going to start to call a halt to travelling around, and we are going to want to spend time together as a family.

If anyone wants to come along to the cricket at Arundel – if I haven't invited you yet, sorry – it will be fun watching local rivals playing (Hampshire verses Sussex) in the prettiest county cricket ground in the country – located inside the Arundel Castle walls. Oh and if you are coming, believe me, when Simon offers to buy you a Roast Pork Roll, don't let him put the mustard on it – last year from memory, I don't think that he knows the difference between English mustard, and French Mustard (I've seen less ketchup on a ketchup sandwich, with extra ketchup, than the amount of mustard he put on it).

Monday 14th	Tuesday 15th	Weds. 16th	Thursday 17th	Friday 18th	Saturday 19th	Sunday 20th
Flying from Perth				Amport, Hants.	Daisy's Party	Cricket at Arundel
Monday 21st	Tuesday 22nd	Weds. 23rd	Thursday 24th	Friday 25th	Saturday 26th	Sunday 27th
Jon and Esther	Jon and Esther	Jon and Esther			BBQ at Shannon Close.
Monday 28th	Tuesday 29th	Weds. 30th	Thursday 31st	Friday 1st August	Saturday 2nd	Sunday 3rd
Packing and Shipping	Packing and Shipping	Packing and Shipping	Driving to Brixham	Brixham	Brixham	Driving to Coalville
Monday 4th	Tuesday 5th	Weds. 6th	Thursday 7th	Friday 8th	Saturday 9th	Sunday 10th
Coalville	Flying from B-ham	Flying to Perth	Perth	Perth	Perth	Perth

Monday – 5 years behind for sure

There was a story going around about an airline pilot who got the sack. On landing into Auckland (I know that is New Zealand, but bear with me) he made the usual announcement, about the weather, and then when it came to the usual time check. That is what got him into hot water, as he said "For those of you who want to set your watches to the correct time, you'll need to wind them back 15 years!" It was all supposed to be a joke, but didn't go down very well.

Here in Perth it isn't that bad, but you couldn't be blamed for winding your watch back between 5 and 10 years. People said that a few times to me before I came out, and I couldn't think that it was that bad. But it is.

A few things that are a little behind – it might not mean much to most people, but to someone like me, who likes his gadgets and gizmos it means a lot. Mobile phones (not 5 years but maybe 2 to 3 years). I got "the latest" phone from Vodafone, because of the camera on it – I know that I haven't added many pictures recently, but I have been taking lots of photos. It was "the latest" phone in England about 2 years ago.

Broadband – is so far behind that most people are still using dialup internet. At the house in Telscombe, we had superfast broadband for the last few years. The government is pushing to make fast broadband available to everyone in the metropolitan areas of Australia. They have made mobile broadband affordable to everyone, which is how I'm connecting to the internet. It's not cutting edge technology though.

I came across something else today that staggered me. My ambulance crew mate had bought a car hi-fi, and mentioned that he was going to have to take it to a car stereo installer, as he didn't know how. I've fitted a couple before, and I mentioned that it shouldn't be too hard as there I thought that anywhere should sell the little connections that attach it to the car.

Over I bowled to his house and after getting ready to fit the stereo, we started to ring around to some of the car stereo fitting places (they're easy to find in the UK), and were told that the part we were looking for either didn't exist (I know they do, and should cost about $15-$20, based on the price of them in the UK), or that they are very expensive and it would be cheaper for the shops to fit the stereo at between $80-$100. After almost giving up hope, we went to a local equivalent of Halfords, and after scouring the shop's car stereo section. Low and behold there was the part we needed right on the middle shelf, for $20.

Matt was so amazed it was so simple. He's asked me to do a couple more for him and his friend. Now there is another business opportunity.

If everything is 5 years behind, then have I just turned 30. I hope so!

Sunday – Hagred? Are you sure

I don't seem to know much, but I there are some things that I do know, and there are some things that I have learned over time. I've learned another valuable lesson.

After last night's double near missed, I met up with 4 or 5 work colleagues, and we made a good night of it, although we all were soaked from the rain (more like standing in a power shower than in an autumn shower). We went to a local hotel called the Norfolk Hotel, and then afterwards on to a late night dancing club.

Eventually I ended up on a friend's sofa for a few minutes shut eye – and it was a few minutes it seemed, before I had to get up, and put my green costume, and cruise on to Fremantle ambulance station for an 11 am start (kicking the till again). Although I didn't have more than a couple of beers, I was very tired with only 3-4 hours sleep on a sofa before work.

I haven't worked in Freo before, and I was glad that I wasn't driving the ambulance, and I attended. We call it doing the doctoring, or doing the chauffeuring. We went to a normal amount of calls, including what turned out to be a regular caller, who does like to complain loads. I am normally not the most patient of person, but I thought that I would give all the time I could, because I was too tired to care about people wasting my time.

She wasn't grateful for my listening ear, and even before I had managed to tell the nurse about the lady's problems, she was on the phone complaining to her MP and also to Saint John's Ambulance Service Control about the treatment she had received (she should be grateful – at least she got ½ a milligram of "there, there", instead of a large amount of cold shoulder, or sharp tongue), and also that we took her to a hospital that would make her wait for a short while in the waiting room.

Anyway nothing came of that and the other few jobs we did weren't to taxing either. After I dropped in the last patient the nurse who I had to tell about every time we went to hospital said "It has finally come to me, I've been trying to decide who you remind me of, and now I know. You remind me of the giant in the Harry Potter films – Hagred." Now, I've been called of things, but never that. I didn't take it as a compliment, but then it wasn't meant horribly either.

And the other lesson – it is hard to work on three hours sleep, and maybe I should be my hair cut, so I don't look like a hairy giant any more.

 

Saturday – I won’t buy a lottery ticket

The local lottery hasn't been won for about 3 or 4 weeks, and the prize was about $40 million this week. Thinking that I might be a little luck, I had all intentions of buying the winning ticket all day. It was one of those things that I was always meant to do, and never got around to.

The day started in a lot more leisurely that the last few days. It was a 10 o'clock start, and because it was the weekend, the journey took only 20 minutes, instead of the normal weekday trip of 40-45 minutes. And I didn't have to take risk life and limb as often, trying to change lanes, or get onto, and off the motorway.

The Australia driver is so un-alert, and also very concerned about someone getting to somewhere before they do. I know I have moaned before, but it is still an ongoing problem. The motorway has big signs on it to remind the drivers that cars are going to merge when you get close to a junction. If while driving down the motorway, and need to change lanes, I would indicate, but here when you do it, then the car that is behind you in the lane you want to turn in accelerates up into the gap you are trying to move into. The way around this not to indicate anywhere, and just willy-nilly change lanes.

All this not indicating and not letting cars merge in and out of lanes means that during busy times the road grinds to a stop and peak hour driving is more like peak hour parking. I've not got my mind-reading skills in tune, and have just given up trying to go anywhere fast on the motorway when there is more than 3 cars on the motorway. Saturday means that this doesn't happen, and it was a breeze to go all the way to work.

Work was fine, and although we were busy, it was decent work, befitting of my position as a paramedic. We manipulated an on time finish (both of us were planning on go out – it was Saturday night after all). At 8 pm. off we went home. I left the ambulance depot, drove around the corner, and as it was dark and raining, I had been looking out the window, instead of trying to find some music to listen to while I was heading home.

Up ahead of me I saw a car coming towards me, in my lane. It then hit the taxi that had just gone speeding past me – head on. I slammed on the brakes in my little car, but as I glanced into the mirrors, I saw a red car behind me that wasn't paying attention, and it didn't look like it was going to come to a stop without hitting me. "This is going to hurt me a lot" was all that I thought.

The car that had hit the taxi almost head on went spinning past me, and hit the red car as well, and they both came to a dead stop, without touching my car. So picture the scene, a taxi with all the front of it smashed in, a red VW Golf behind me with the entire front smashed in, and an old Ute (pick up type car) with both the front and back smashed, all littered around my car, and not even a scratch on my car.

Anyway, after that was cleared up, I went home, and changed, before heading out to meet up with a couple friends of an evening out. While driving to Fremantle, I was almost crashed into again, and only the fact I was in the inside lane (I had seen the car getting ready to turn up ahead and move into the inside lane), and someone (not watching the road) accelerating into the space I'd just left meant that I didn't get hit a second time in about 1 hour. The other car was hit, but this time I didn't stop, because I'd had enough of getting wet (still raining) and it could feasibly say it happened behind me.

Two very near missed, both of with I escaped from unscathed. I didn't check the lottery numbers, but I guess that it was good because I think that I had used up all the luck that one person could have in a single day!

Friday – The visa process starts again

The endless form filling and applying to various government departments is going to all start again soon. It is just seems that I have to repeat myself a lot, and pay a lot of money each time just for someone to give me a certificate, or tick in the box.

I've gotten a phone call from work, and informed that the person who deals with the sponsorship of employees has signed my nomination form, and I'm able to apply for the visa that I have been waiting for. It is our family's permanent residency visa. I'm just waiting on a certificate from some organisation here in Australia to say that my State Registered Paramedic qualifications from the UK (recognised the world around) are recognised here in Australia.

It is a rubber stamping exercise and the skill assessment has been underway for about 4 weeks. After that, there will be a lot of photocopying and getting a lot of documents certified. Then filling in more forms, and then medicals (not a physical like from the UK) – just answering questions from the doctor (for a small charge), and then a wait while the immigration sorts through everything, and then asks for more information.

All in all, there isn't a time limit on the process, and the only thing that needs to happen is that I need the approval before 6^th of January 2010. That isn't going to be a problem, although I would like it to have it done a lot sooner.

I spent most of the day at work looking at all the forms, and just thinking how daunting a task it seems. Can't really complain though, I need to get the form into the government as soon as possible. Actually I'm going to wait until the girls are here. I'm not making that mistake again.

Thursday – What a great start to a day!

Some events are not worth missing. People say they remember where they were when big events happen. Cast your mind back to waking up on Sunday the 31^st of August, 1997. Do you remember where you were? How about Thursday the 11^th of September, 2001 at about 2 p.m. British time? How about 2200 on Wednesday May the 26^th, 1999.

Today is going to go down in that category for me. I did get up about 4 in the morning though for it. I watched the Champions League final and there was right result for me. I didn't mind the early start, as I was going to work after anyway. A couple of large mugs of coffee, and some popcorn for company, I was over the moon, and was dancing around the living room at times, and then cringing in the corner at others. Oh that is what drama of a penalty shootout does!!

The rest of the day went the same way as well. I had a misunderstanding about my health insurance. There is no NHS here, and being a temporary resident, as part of my contract at work, I'm required to have health insurance. When I arrived, the ambulance service got me 1 month of free health insurance, and then I was supposed to talk to someone to organise paying the bill.

As I was new, and didn't know understand how everything worked and was under the impression that St. John had put everything in place with the Insurance Company. It turned out that I didn't pay anything for 2 months. I have been trying to clear up the problem for a while, and got the name of the right person who could deal with it eventually. After explaining the problem, and asking for the outstanding bill, I was told that as I was up front about how I ended up owing them a lot of money, and then as I didn't make any claims during the whole time, they would just say that my insurance was cancelled in February, and not April. Boy did I like that, as it has saved me $500. I couldn't find the overtime day to earn that in my busy calendar.

It was another red letter day all around. Oh and by the way, I had fallen asleep with the TV on in my flat in Hove (recurring theme), and thought I was dreaming when I woke up on that Sunday morning to the news the Princess Diana had been killed. I was driving a car back from Southampton docks for a friend of mine in 2001, and as the radio only had MW, all I could get was Radio 5 Live to listen to, and heard the reports of the planes crashing into the towers in New York and Washington on the drive back to Peacehaven. May the 26^th was when Manchester United won the Champions League. I was in a small bar in Hove surrounded by a lot of good friends.

Wednesday – Accidently becoming a Handy-man

Work was good on Wednesday. It was more in keeping with the being a paramedic. It was excellent, and I felt a lot better about work. After not doing something for a while, it was good to see that I hadn't forgotten all the things that I have learned.

I have been forgetting a lot of things recently, but nothing about work. The worst thing that I have forgotten was my video camera in Geraldton. That – in case you were wondering – arrived yesterday in the post.

The four days off did make me feel quite rested, and although I hadn't done anything, it seemed to fly by. Hopefully the next few weeks will go by like that so I'll be able to get to see my harem back in the UK.

While at work, I was invited around to see a friend for dinner. I thought "Why not, as I haven't got anything to nibble at home," and also it would be great have some company anyway!

When I arrived in Fremantle after work, I was greeted with a screwdriver, and an instruction book from IKEA (you can recognise those illegible poorly translated instructions anywhere).

"Sorry, did I not mention that I have just bought a bed and not been able to put it together?" Kathryn told me, when she saw my questioning look on my face. "You'll have to earn your dinner!"

IKEA instructions translated in Australian are about as clear as when they are translated into English. There weren't any abbreviations, or slang, but still they might as well have been in Swahili.

After a couple scrapped knuckles, and about 1 hour, Kathryn had a wardrobe, and bed assembled (although I didn't complete follow all the instructions – by now you must realize that I couldn't understand all the instructions anyway). Just in time for dinner to be cooked.

After my daily dose of Big Brother, and a yummy dinner I wound my way home, and – as normal – dropped to sleep on the sofa watching cricket. I did manage to make it to bed before midnight this time though. Thursday came around very quickly.

Tuesday – Business as normal resumes

Weather reports say that it is going to be partly cloudy. In England we would call it fine, but it seems that in Perth the meaning of fine is much different. If there is even one cloud in the sky, then it is partly cloudy and not fine.

Anyway, it was a warm afternoon, and so it was time for one of my more regular pastimes of the summer months, but I haven't enjoyed it recently. Yes, you guessed it, BBQ time.

Just close to the flat is a place called Brighton Beach (how ironic – 15,000 miles and I'm still only a couple minutes from Brighton Beach). This is the where I went. A few other paramedics who live nearby were also there. It was great to catch up on old times (although not that old – it's hard to reminisce about good old days when you only know the people for about 2 to 3 months).

The evening was very cold though. I'm having to "rug up" in the evening (put warm clothes on). Who would have thought that only a couple months ago it was in the high 30's late into the night, and I couldn't wait to find somewhere cold?

I'll never understand the Aussies I don't think, but at least I enjoy a lot of their customs – BBQ's, and making up silly words and phrases to describe anything.

Monday – Day Off

Monday was a regular day off. I did mean to re-start my Olympic training. Actually I didn't really do much running, more walking, and some sitting although I did keep hydrated, but then I did actually walk a very long way. (Well, it was a lot longer walk on the way home anyway, as it was quite a meandering route.

Before the walk, I didn't really do much else. It was just great to relax for the day.

Before the relaxing I was swept and mopped the floors, I did all the washing and the washing up. It didn't really take very long to do all of that, just all morning.

The afternoon was taken up with a lot of nothing, but then that is allowed once in a while. Tuesday was going to be overcast and so there won't be much chance of doing much.

Sunday - Beijing here I come!!!

I’ve turned over a new leaf. I’ve been inspired by all the fitness fanatics and have taken up training for the Olympics. Still I’m not sure what even I should compete in, so I’m going to try a few different events.

Today I donned my Lycra running shorts, and went out to try middle distance running. I thought that maybe I should start my training regime slowly, and maybe only do a couple miles. It has been a while since I’ve done some running after all.

Down the end of the road, and then towards the beach I headed. The training was going well, until all of a sudden I spied a little cafe – with great views over the beach, and serving great coffee and cake. Well that was it. Coffee and cake won out after a brief wrestle in my conscience.
I read the paper, drank a couple coffees, and then finished my little run. (This time I was running back home.) I think I clocked up an impressive 500 metres today. I’ll have to run a different direction tomorrow, so I don’t come across the cafe again. Or maybe I’ll be able to carry on past it next time.

So I don’t think that I’ll be turning the athletics world on its head, but I am going to do more running.

Saturday - In the Words of Lou Reed, A Perfect Day

Saturday was great.

The repair man finally fixed my oven. I guess that third time lucky, as I surmised the other day.

Anyway, as any red-blooded male knows, Saturday afternoon is all about Sports. I am slowly getting to understand the game that over here is known as Footy. Let me tell you about what I’ve figured out.

The AFL (Footy League here) is celebrating their 150th year this year. In true Australian style, the counting isn’t really accurate. 15 years ago they were celebrating their 100th year anniversary. Then the sports officials decided to start counting the game from a different point. I guess you could make special anniversaries every few years by changing the starting point all the time.

Anyway here are the rules (there actually are some) that I’ve figured out so far. 18 people have to line up against each other, and then an umpire (wearing a butcher’s overcoat) bounces the ball in the middle, and then everyone just jumps on each other. Eventually the ball emerges and then it is kicked or punched (the ball, the other players and the umpire – it doesn’t seem to make any difference) until it is through the middle of the goals.

Again in true Aussie style, there are 4 goal posts, instead of the two we would think of, because the ball is notoriously hard to kick, or punch (there is no throwing???) the ball in a straight line. And then at the end of the game the score is tallied up something like 10-12-72. I don’t understand either. I haven’t got the nerve to ask anyone now I’ve been here for a while.

Anyway, I watched the one of the local teams play on TV, and then confused, I started flicking through the TV channels, and found the real Football. It is FA Cup Final Day, so I settled into watching that.

That is my idea of a perfect day. (Almost)

Friday - Routine is the Name of the Game

Friday was so routine, I don’t think that there was anything to mention. In fact, it was so routine that I can’t actually recall what I did. That is bad.

Work was better than it had been for the last couple days. Actually we attended some regular ambulance jobs, and not all transfers. Look out for more interesting things next week. Oh, and the repair man reckons that he’ll be able to come around on Saturday. Don’t hold your breathe though.

Thursday - Third time's a charm, fingers crossed!!

The repair man arranged to come back before I went off to work. “I wonder what he is going to do this time,” I thought to myself. He was only here for about 5 minutes last time. I had arranged for him to come early (8 to 8:30) as I was going to have to be at work for 10 today. I hope his time-keeping is better than last time.

Sure enough 8 came and went. 0830 came and went. I was about ready to give up as a bad job, and leave to work when low and behold, a knock at the door. He arrived, clutching some spare parts. He’s good, I thought, as he didn’t test any of the parts last time he was here, so how does he know that he will need either of those parts.

I pointed him in the direction of the oven, and he set to and took it apart. After about 5 minutes, and some banging, and looking inquisitively at a multi-tester, he stood up and announced that he had been supplied the wrong part, and it wasn’t the on/off switch that is the problem. (Surprise surprise – I had told him that the switch actually was working last time he came around, and it was the oven that doesn’t heat up, even though the light comes on, the timer works, and the grill works) Maybe if he had used his multi-tester or even his Mark 1 Ears last time, he wouldn’t be struggling with the plug this time.

Next he turned his attention to the dishwasher. Another 3 or 4 minutes he actually managed to fit the part he brought with him, and it did work (but not correctly). I don’t think that he has a dishwasher at home, as he didn’t really know how the soap dispenser worked. (He had assembled the part without fitting the vital spring that came with part.)

I was going to be late to work, and so arranged for him to come back another time. He’s going to bring the right part for the oven on Saturday morning. I told him not to worry about the dishwasher, as I’m sure it will work, and then after work, it took me about 1 minute to take the soap dispenser off, and fit the spring that should have been in there, and it is working fine now. Maybe I’ll put a bill in to the estate agents for some labour charges as well.

I’m glad I don’t have to pay the call out charges for this guy. Hopefully when he comes back on Saturday, he’ll have gotten the right part for the oven. I won’t hold my breath though.

Wednesday - Same story, Different Day

Nothing worth mentioning happened today. I fell asleep on the sofa, woke up at 2 AM, and dragged myself to bed. I did get up early and attended work on an early shift, which started at 7 AM.

You’ll be interested to know that I’m slowly becoming a coffee barista – making fancy coffee. I found a coffee machine (espresso/cappuccino) on sale in the local supermarket for about £10. I’ve got it set up and get it all primed up for the early start the night before. As you know, if you cut me, I would bleed coffee, and not blood, so I do need a fair amount of Columbia’s Finest every morning to get me going.

There is a variety of coffee over here that, unusually, is called something different that its counterpart in England. In a coffee shop at home you would order an Americana, which as you might know is a coffee with a little bit of hot milk in the top. Over here it is called a Flat White. That is what I have been practicing making.

Armed with my Flat White, and a good dose of enthusiasm, I went to work. Neither lasted very long, with the usual array of regular transfers, and routine discharges. I think part of the problem is that today I was scheduled to drive the ambulance all day, and it is hard to stay really interested in what is happening. The most taxing thing is remembering the way from one hospital to another.

The only good thing is my coffee cup never really emptied, as I was constantly filling it up at each hospital.

I’m a big fan of one of Columbia’s greatest export.

Tuesday – Both of these were Ambulances!!!

While I was working in England, there was a poster up in the hospital and also in a couple of ambulances, which had a picture of an ambulance and a taxi, and in bold writing a statement that said "Only one of these is a taxi!" It was to remind people that if they only needed transport to hospital to call a taxi, and if they genuinely had an emergency, to call an ambulance. I'm not sure how effective the campaign was.

I've tried to find a photo of the poster – I thought I had it on my computer, but alas nothing. Well today made me think of that picture and have a little chuckle to myself.

The day (starting early at 0700) has had its usual amount of hospital transfers, airport retrievals, and finally half way through the day – an incident at a nursing home with someone who was struggling for breath. "Bless, at least someone today needs me." So off we went, making a lot of noise, and flashing a lot of lights towards the nursing home.

We had a cryptic message from Ambulance Control, about how they were sending us another ambulance for assistance. We didn't complain, but the type of call wasn't the type of call that automatically two ambulances get sent to.

When we got there, we were greeted by the nursing home staff, and ushered into the room where the lady was. Suddenly I realized what the second ambulance was for. One leg of the person we had been sent to could easily have weighed as much as me.

The lady needed to be in hospital, but there was no way that we would be able to load her into the ambulance. I came up with what I thought was a good idea; "If people use Ambulances instead of taxis, how about using a taxi instead of an ambulance?" After the 4 of us discussed it, it seemed that we had struck on a great idea.

We contacted Ambulance control, and the boss thought it was a great idea, and called for a taxi that the lady's wheel chair would fit into. I road in the taxi, in case there was any treatment necessary while we were enroute, and Matt (my crewmate) followed in the ambulance. I don't actually know what we could have done, if she had really taken a turn for the worse, but at least she was in the hospital in the end.

How ironic – the only person who really needed an ambulance all day actually went to hospital in a taxi.

Monday - Rewards were all monetary

I stayed the night in a spare room at Kathryn’s house. Note to self – futon’s are not as comfortable as they look to sleep on. I know they don’t look very comfortable either. It’s something I think every time I’ve slept on one. So when I did eventually get up, I felt like I had slept on a sheet of corrugated tin, with some extra bumps thrown in for good measure.

On the way home, work phoned and asked it I could come in straight away, as someone had gone sick, and they weren’t finding it easy to get the spot filled. I’d previously volunteered for overtime today, but didn’t relish the thought of work, so I tried to refuse it without saying no.

I said that I’d be able to do it, but as I wasn’t at home, I’d be about 1 ½ hours, before I’d be able to get in to a place called Cockburn Central (down south – about 40 km from Scarborough). “That will be fine”, came back the reply. Arrggghhhh!!! Maybe I should have said 2 hours, I thought to myself.

It wasn’t that bad of a shift, and the in reality all we did was pick people up at the airport from RFDS and drop them at various hospitals around the city. Not exactly rocket science, but still a valuable service to society. The only rewarding thing about these . . . I’ll think about that for a while, and let you know.

I was more than a little tired by the time I eventually got home. I had my proper shift on Tuesday, and I’ve not had chance to make any lunch for tomorrow. I thought about what I would do for food, as I massaged the stiff neck that I got from falling asleep in front of the TV again. I’m going to go to bed earlier tomorrow!!!

Sunday - I couldn't Eat a Whole One!!!

I had to pop into work today. I'm still trying to pay back all of the shifts that I have taken off when I went skiing. I know it was a while ago, but I am still in the process of trying to work it back. I think I've mentioned it before. I say that I am going to do a payback shift, but then at the end of the day, I claim it as overtime, as I'm a little to partial to being paid for work, instead of working for free.

St. Johns have finally started to roster me to do the payback shifts. That way it doesn't feel as though I am working for nothing, as it is down on the rota as a day of work.

The weather was great though today, and it would have been fabulous to head to the beach, instead of work, but that wasn't possible. The nice days are coming fewer and fewer, and at the moment the forecast is about 3 days of rainy, overcast days. I notice on my little computer weather reporter that most of the UK is better weather than it is here at the moment. Not everything is better in Perth then!

Work was as routine as it gets, and then afterwards, I trundled down to Fremantle to my friend Kathryn's house. She was going out for a bite to eat with her friend/cousin (I'm not sure exactly how they are related, but they are) and invited me down. We had a Vietnamese - I couldn't manage a whole one, but a leg and arm were alright.

As it was Sunday night, it wasn’t particular busy anywhere, but we still had a laugh. It was a nice change to be able to actually talk to someone who I have something in common with – Kathryn is a paramedic from Birmingham, and her cousin Mark is also a down to earth person.

Saturday - A great business idea

Good business ideas don’t come along all the time, but I think that I have spotted a little business venture that would be a hit in the UK. It won’t score millions from the Dragons in the Dragon’s Den, but I think that it would make someone a tidy profit once they got going. I’ve had a couple other ideas, but not sure how feasible they would be.

“What is your get rich quick scheme?” I hear you ask. It’s a little business that I visited here in Perth today. Actually it’s the second time that I’ve been, and I can’t remember if I told you about the adventure last time I went.

The place is a small micro-brewery. What’s so special about that, I hear you ask. Well, it’s a brewery with a difference. When you walk in, you are given a choice of about 400 different types of beer/lager/cider on a menu. They aren’t brand names, but next to them is listed the popular brand of beer/lager/cider that these 400 varieties are similar to.

When you decide on your variety, you are given a menu card with some quite precise instructions, and pointed in the direction of what look like an industrial kitchen, with large stainless steel vats (50 litre size), scales, timers, and barrels of various, quite exotic sounding ingredients. Following the precise instructions on the card, you weigh out into various receptacles different ingredients, and then add them to your individual, large stainless steel vat at precise times. After about an hour of this brewing, you load the large vat onto a trolley, and it is then labelled up, and pushed into the back of the store, to wait for 2-3 weeks, while your beer/lager/cider is brewed to perfection.

That was done shortly after Jane, Daisy, Analiese, and Mum had gone back to the UK. I went there with my friend Jamie, and we spent an hour or so chewing the fat, brewing our beer, and sampling some of the brewery’s own already made stuff. We have gone halves – 3 cases each – and had picked a beer called “Mexicano” (supposed to be a Corona equivalent). Today it was ready to put into cans, and take home.

Jamie and I canned up our beer, sampling it as we went along, (just to make sure that it was okay). You’ve got the choice of canning the beer (very easy), or bottling it (very involved – you’ve got to have the bottles, and then you’ve got to sterilize them, fill them, and put tops on them). We chose cans for an easy life. After about 1 ½ hours we were done, and trundled off home.

Needless to say, we did try a few more of our brew before the day was out!
That goes down as a great business venture – brew and can your own beer in a proper brewery. It rates up there along with renting out hot tubs (like the one we’ve got – inflatable) as a business venture that would thrive in Brighton.

Friday – WA means Wait Again, not Western Australia

For the first time this week – not counting the day of the drive home – it was a day off. It wasn't the most restful night's sleep, as more cricket was on TV, and then next thing that I knew was it was 5 am, and I was snoring and slobbering on the couch. (I think that is a picture that you like to have in your mind!) I eventually made the long walk back to bed, and carried on snoring until about 9 in the morning.

I was rudely woken up by my phone. The engineer who said he would be coming around in the afternoon to fix the dishwasher and oven was calling for the model numbers of the two offending items. I eventually found them, and he said that due to a change of plans, he would be around very shortly. ARRGGGHHHH, there goes my morning of lazing in bed.

"I know, as it is a nice day, I think I'll head to the beach for a little rest and relaxation down there." Before I could get oiled up and don my tiger print Speedo I thought it would be prudent to wait for the engineer, as he probably will be here in a couple minutes, like he said on the phone.

3 hours later, the guy bowled up, without as much as a sorry about the delay (Western Australia is also known as WA – which I have decided means Wait Again, no one actually does anything when they say they will). This guy was a very unrealistic looking engineer, as he looked more like some middle aged kebab shop owner. He mumbled something and then looked at the model numbers that I had given him, asked about the problems. I explained them again – like I had done on the phone. The engineer scratched his head, and then said thank you, he'll come back, and then left.

He didn't say when he'll be back, or anything. He actually didn't do anything. I thought that maybe he was off to his van to get the parts or some tools to take the oven apart. After 5 minutes I looked outside, and his van wasn't there anymore.

By this point the clouds had rolled in, and so there wasn't any point in heading to the beach, so I did some tidying up, planning my return to the UK for a couple weeks, and then settled in to watch the TV.

This evenings essential viewing was going to included Big Brother (nominations for the first time are on tonight), then some "I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here" (the UK version – with the one with David Guess, Lauren Booth, and the others). Following that was reruns of the last few Eurovision Song Contests (just to get us excited about the upcoming contest), and an Abba Documentary. Finally about midnight the cricket started, but I decided I might as well get some proper sleep in bed, so I only watched a little bit of it.

Another day off tomorrow.

Thursday – Cricket can be bad for your Health

It was another day for work, but this time I was on a late. That entails starting at 10 in the morning, instead of 7. My goodness, I don't know what I'll go when I start up doing nights again soon.

I woke up late, and ended up rushing out the house. I had a few routine chores to take care of before going to work – like paying the rent. I would rather not have had to pay, but I guess that it is one of those things. At least I haven't got a mad Chinese lady shouting about it, and ringing me up all the time to ask me about my rent money.

Interestingly, she still rings me up occasionally, but most of the time – unless I am feeling extremely lonely and need someone to talk to – I don't even answer my phone.

I had set up my rent to be paid by direct debit, but this week I had to pay cash to get the estate agent in line with when I am being paid fortnightly. Also it gave me a chance to mention that the dishwasher and oven are both on the blink.

How much use would one person get out of a dishwasher, I hear you ask. I've managed to get used to one for the last 10 years, and it is very easy to use stick everything in the big white cupboard dirty, and then in the morning everything is clean. I only turn it on about once a week, and end up washing the few mugs, and plate I use most of the time anyway. Anyway it was a little broken – like that when we moved in!!

Also the oven doesn't work – I found that trying to bake a potato the other night. After 1 ½ hours, I thought excellent, I'll be enjoying that, only to find that although the light and the fan in the oven work, there isn't any heat coming out of it. It would be good on a hot dark night, as I could put the light and fan on, and sit in front of it, and cool off, but I don't think that is what an oven is for. Anyway I have lights in the ceiling, and an air conditioner for that sort of thing.

Work was again uneventful. Even the Flying Doctor transfer we did didn't get me excited, as it was as routine as an emergency patient transfer can be. I probably looked more drawn than the sick person. I had only managed to get about 3 hours sleep during the night.

Every night from late until very late the TV channel shows Twenty/20 cricket matches that are being played in India, and I watched a couple of them last night. That is the reason cricket can be bad for your health and why I am struggling to get to work on time

Wednesday - I told you it was a stupid idea

Have you ever had what you thought is a brilliant idea, only for it to turn out to be among one of the worse ideas you’ve ever had?
I am not often given to questioning myself about things I do, and most of the time make pretty much the right decision without much thinking about it. Today was an exception to that rule!
Do you remember that I had thought that I might do some filming on the drive home, so I took the camera and camcorder out of my hold all? Do you remember how I said how that was a stupid idea? Well, taking the camera out of the bag wasn’t really the stupid idea, the stupid idea was leaving it on the desk in my room in Geraldton, and then not realizing until two days later.
You can imagine how annoyed I was, because I thought that was the last I would ever see of those cameras. And I had some footage of Daisy, Analiese, Jane, and Mum on the camera that I hadn’t copied over onto the computer yet.
I phoned to speak to the person in charge of the halls of residence, and no – nothing had been turned in, but she will ask the cleaner who would have cleaned the rooms. “Someone has a nice shiny new camera and camcorder” was all I could think, - with steam coming out my ears, and my blood pressure rising!!
I didn’t hear anything for most of the day – and as you can imagine, I was imagining the worst, but eventually the phone call came, the bag has been found. What a relief.
I’m never going to listen to my spur of the moment decisions again, and hopefully I’ll be able to avoid stupid problems like this again.
Now you know why there aren’t any pictures of the drive home from Geraldton!!!

Tuesday - Is it to much to ask to relax in Peace!!

Tuesday was a workday again. I’d just about recovered from my excursion up the road to Geraldton. I arrived at work at the crack of dawn, for a 7 until 5 shift. You can see why I love this day ambulance lark. I don’t have to go to work until 10 on Wednesday, and that means that I can have another lie-in in the morning.

Work wasn’t particularly taxing, and we managed to get off home on time, which is a added bonus when working on the day ambulances, as the control room are all geared up for the usual finish times, and can easily forget about the people with odd time finishes. It happened a lot in Brighton as well, and you had to work at not getting any jobs, or not being available during the last 30 minutes of your shift.

Anyway, I got home with no particular dramas, and settled in for an evening of watching the telly, when all of a sudden there was some almighty racket outside. The sound of tires squealing, car engines revving up to where they should explode, and lots of drunken laughter went on for what seemed like ages.

After 5 minutes, bravely I thought I would pop my head outside to see what was making all the noise. I was quickly joined by 5 or 6 of the apartments in our block. On the road in front of the apartments were a couple cars, and about 9 or 10 little rat bags driving them (only one rat bag at a time was actual driving – the others there were all shouting moral support).

Let me explain a little about some of the half brained idiots who live in Perth. Their idea of fun is to take their car (usually a very powerful V8 Ute) and just do burn outs and wheel spins, and see how far they can leave darkies on the road (a darkie is a skid mark from a tyre). The police like to get very interested in this sort of behaviour, and have powers to confiscate and crush the car if the rat bags are caught doing this a couple of times (First offence, and you lose your car for 48 hours). All over the roads you can see darkies – in straight lines, going around corners, making little ‘S’ shapes all over the roads. As it is frowned upon, some brain dead kids think it is good to use out of the way roads and dead ends.

This is what was going on outside the apartment. When one of the other neighbours laughed at the gang of youths, and without being rude said “Is that the best can do?” the young kiddies took offense, and started to front up to everyone and decided to prove how macho they were by swearing a lot.I didn’t like the look of the whole situation, and so I went inside, called the police, and carried on cooking my dinner. I know what you are thinking – I am very brave

Monday - The Long Drive Home

After another tough night at the coalface in Geraldton – no I wasn’t mining, like everyone else there, but I was actually on duty – I had to head back home. It was a little task of driving down one long road for about 450 km.
Dutifully I packed up the trusty little car, and thought, as I put my camera and camcorder into my holdall “It would be really good if I saw something interesting to take some photos of it, or make a short film, and stick it onto the blog.” With that stupid thought in my mind, I took the camera bag out of my holdall.
Now I was ready for the off so I put on a audio book to listen to, filled up the car with go-juice, and pointed it south to Perth. Before too long I was in another world, listening to the book, and looking out at the barren landscape while trundling along at 65 mph. My great plan to take video or photos complete slipped out my mind.
There are places on the route that would be great to take Jane and the girls to see. One place especially called “The Pinnacles Desert”. It is supposed to be speckie (Aussie for Spectacular – I am getting the hang of Aussie Slang now – shorten the word and add either “ie” at the end or add “-o” at the end; although I’m still not sure which one you add when.). I didn’t go across there to take pictures though.
I made good time and 4 ½ hours later I’ve arrived back home. It was great to just relax in my own house for a little while, before turning my mind to getting ready for work tomorrow morning early. My smelly socks needed washing, my Calvin Klein’s needed starching, and my work shirts needed all ironing.
Although it was 4 ½ hours away, I would go to Geraldton again, although I would like to do the trip in a car with Cruise Control though. That way it wouldn’t be so tiring of a trip. It was good that during Sunday night at work in Geraldton, we didn’t have to go out after about midnight, and I got 7 hours solid of sleep. More than I would get at home.

Sunday – Working and Reflecting

I see that local elections have taken place in England. Obviously now as an expat, I must not count as being important enough to have a voice in what happens in the area that I once called home (Not in the ET way of calling home, but where I lived). I didn't get asked to cast a vote, even if it would have been by post. Maybe that is because no one knows my address anymore. Even I struggle to remember where I actually live, as I'm not there much at all. Anyway I'm heading back there tomorrow, with a bit of luck.

My short stint in the country is almost over. I'm at work on nights, and then tomorrow morning, I'm off back down to Perth, just in time to wash my smelly socks, and turn up at Victoria Park at 7 in the morning on Tuesday. I know that I did go on about how much time off I get (4 days of work, and then 4 days off), but these weeks have been different.

I'm trying to pay back a whole lot of shifts that I have taken off earlier in the year, and so I try to work as often as possible, including travelling about 500 km's to do some shifts.

Last night was reasonable, and I managed to get some shut eye, but not a lot, so I spent most of the day snoozing in the nursing accommodation. I wanted to go out and take photos of Geraldton for everyone, but now I am getting a little longer in the tooth, I needed a couple of hours of beauty sleep more than I used to.

There was going to be a chance that I could have stayed up here in Geraldton for a little longer, as the person I am covering (back injury) wasn't sure if he was going to be able to come back to work, but as it turns out, he has made a good recovery, and will be back at work.

Another night with the volleys/Wombles so far hasn't been too bad. I'm about to head off to get some sleep, ready for the long ride back to Perth in the morning.

I have looked at the internet, and know now why I wasn't asked to vote for anyone. The place that I call home in England didn't have local elections, so I wasn't overlooked. All I need to do now is remember how to get back to Scarborough Beach.

Saturday - Sightseeing and Working

It was nice to have a lie-in this morning. It isn't something that I've been able to do for a long while, what with working, and just generally getting up early for no apparent reason. Anyway, today I snoozed until about 9 in the morning when Eddie (wearing Red) banged on my door, and reminded me that we were going sightseeing today. Dutyfully I got ready, and off we went. We collected two nurses who also are staying in the halls of residence -Britt, who is Dutch, and Joanne, who is from the USA.

We went to a place up the road from Geraldton called Kalabari. It is a small holiday beach resort, and is in the middle of a national park. The drive there was about 2 hours.

It isn't a very big place, and after we drove through it once, thinking we were on the outskirts, we turned around, and stopped in the town centre.

We had some fish and chips on the beach (it is a very Australian thing to do, as well as an English pasttime), before paddling in the water, committing genocide to a colony of flys - I can understand why you would want corks dangling from your hat, or even more fetching (we saw an old couple with them) mosquito netting attached to your hat - and then after looking around the place, we started to head back.

Kalabari national park isn't very spectacular from the main road as most of the places to see are down dirt tracks, and on the way home we decided to take the coastal route, and stop at a few coves to have a look around.

We stopped at one place called Red Bluff, which has fantastic layer upon layer of Red Rocks that look like they have sprung right up out the sea. You'll see how big they are, as I have climbed half way up them.

Further down the coast we came to a small village called Port Gregory. It was supposed to have some convict ruins, but all we could see was a unspoiled cove and beach, with some people fishing off the pier/jetty.

Fishing is a pasttime that the Aussie's love. Everyone (men, women, and children) seems to do it or talk about it all the time, and watching these folks, I can understand why. They just chatted a lot, and relaxed with a couple stubbies, not really seriously fishing. It is just another way to get out of having to do anything to stressful.

We did have to hurry back after that, as I needed to work in night. That is what I'm up to now. I'm at the ambulance depot on my own, with a list of phone numbers. If I get a job, I start at the top, and try to call in a volunteer to come and help me. Real pressure to know that I am the only paramedic on duty in an area (counting the highways) that is something like 150 miles south, 300 miles north, and inland for what might be eternity.

Just before coming on duty, I heard about a very bad accident on the highway about 50 km south of here. At 1 in the morning, that would be me in the hotseat. I'm glad I got some relaxing in today!!!

Friday – More working days

It was another fun filled day. I didn't have to really stretch myself while at work, but all the same it was work, so I couldn't just go through the day on autopilot.

I woke up after not having much sleep. The room that I am in now is different to the first room I was in. There was a mistake over room allocations, and I was given a doctors room, not a nurses room. This one hasn't got air-conditioning, a lot thinner, less comfortable mattress, and no rug/carpet on the floor. As it is for only one more night, and then a couple afternoons where I am trying to sleep, it's not a problem really.

Also last night I didn't get home until about midnight, after being Simon Cowell in a local music event. Actually I wasn't the judge, but I was a very harsh critique. 3 of the 4 bands that played were dreadful. I was out with 5 or 6 of the nurses from Accident and Emergency at the hospital, and another paramedic who is also staying in the nursing quarters.

Work was filled with a variety of jobs. The town is quite well equipped if you want to stay in a nursing home, as there are a lot of them, it seems, although only one has the illustrious title of "The Nursing Home". The others are all quite imaginatively named as well.

Out here we get our work via a phone call from the Operations Centre in Perth. We are the only ambulance here, and if more than one job of work comes in, they phone us again, and see if we can either do both at the same time, or whether we want to go to the other one – depending on the type of job it is.

If there is too much work, we'll phone some off duty guys to come in and do the job. (Overtime is obviously paid at a very satisfactory rate). Anyway today, we didn't need to call anyone in, as all the stuff was moving Mazy or Joan or Fred from the hospital to the nursing home or from the nursing home to the doctors' clinic, etc. We did drive out of Geraldton about 40km to see some lady who had hurt her back, and was struggling to get out of bed.

I think that Eddie (the other paramedic) has some more music contests that he wants me to help him judge again tonight, so I had better go and get cleaned up. I hope they have fixed the hot water in the showers!!!

Thursday – Welcome to Small Town, Australia

Have you ever seen a film or TV show about a small town, and how all the characters are known by everyone, and as they drive down the street, everyone waves, and says "Hi!" I can't think of any specific one at the moment, but I know that they exist.

Anyway, that is enough trying to recall pointless TV shows, let's get on with how the first day went for me. Well last night, after settling into my room in the halls of residence, I looked around for some people who were staying on the same floor as I am, but only found a couple of people rushing off to start their night shifts across the road at the hospital. As no one else was around, I headed for the town, to see if I could get a small bite to eat.

It wasn't hard to find a small friendly place – called the Camel Bar, and I recall that one of the paramedics at the ambulance station had said it was alright – I'd dropped in there earlier to leave my work gear there and to introduce myself. The place had stopped serving food, so I just stopped for a couple small glasses of pop, before heading back home. (Right!!!)

I headed into work in the morning, and met the lady who I was working with. I had thought that it was going to be a volunteer/womble, but actually this person was a qualified ambulance officer who only works days. The phone rang, and off we went to the first job of the day.

People out here in small town, Australia, in the middle of nowhere, don't call an ambulance unless they actually need it, so I am told. I was told that about all of Australia, but as I have said before, we now know that isn't especially true.

Anyway, the lady who I was working with knew everyone. We stopped at the petrol station, and someone in a car called over "Hi, Kerrie, and had a chat about some friend or other." We dropped our patient at the hospital and everyone came and said "Hello – oh you are the new guy" to me, and "Hi, Kerrie" and talked about something or other. While we were waiting for our salad sandwiches at the local lunch deli – free to the ambulance crew – two people in the queue came over and talked to Kerrie.

That sort of thing happened everywhere we went, and there was always someone who knew Kerrie quite well. We did have to go and meet an airplane that was arriving from somewhere in the outback with a patient on board, and yes, Kerrie knew the pilot as well!

The place has a very laid back, slow pace of life, and has a very small town feel about it. I keep looking over my shoulder to see if there is a camera crew filming some sort of TV show that I can't recall the name of.

Wednesday – A quick drive into the country

The big day has arrived. I'm heading out to part one of my grand tour. I loaded the car with a couple meager provisions, and a few clothes and hit the road with some intripidation.

I filled the car up with petrol, and did the usual stuff and then following the directions of my little SatNav drove up the motorway to the end (it is really that far – about 10 miles from my house) and then turned onto a small link road.

I don't know if you have used SatNav's for getting around, but you get instructions such as "Turn Right in 2 miles", or "Stay in the Right Lane." Even when I was driving to the Alps in South of France, the longest leg that I can remember was about 60 or 70 miles before there was some highway merging, or an exit to take. Anyway my trusty little machine gave a couple "Turn left in 2 km." "Take the exit in 3 km." (I have put it in Kilometers as it is what everyone talks about out here, and you look like you've got two noses if you talk about miles).

Funny aside – I have a dog with no nose. "How does it smell?" I hear you ask. It stinks, but that has nothing to do with its nose.

Anyway after leaving the motorway, and then going up a small single carriageway road for about 15 km, I thought that I would come across the highway (at least a dual carriageway) for the main road (actually one of only two roads) north to Geraldton.

I got a "Turn Left" onto another single carriageway, and then the SatNav told me to "Turn left in 300km" I was so staggered by that thought. Sure enough for 300 km, there was a single carriageway north, with hardly a car or truck on it (except for a couple road trains – trucks with 3 trailers – rocking along at about 110 km/h), maybe two petrol stations, and a couple little dirt roads off with signs indicating villages and places.

I couldn't easily get lost on that road, although there was a lot of nothing.

I did come across a convoy of two great big trucks, each carrying on half of a giant dumper truck. The dumper truck convoy was so wide we had to go right over to the dirt off the edge of the road, to let it come by the other direction.

So there I was miles from nowhere, with no radio station reception. You can imagine how grateful I was for some audio books that Earl had stuck on my iPod. He copied me about 20 full length novels (each take about 5 or 6 hours to listen to).

I eventually arrived into Geraldton, found the Ambulance Depot, and got clued up about work the next morning, and then went to the hospital to get my key for the room I'm staying in at the nurses lodgings. I'll make sure I keep my door locked at night, so I don't get any unwelcome visitors.

Day one of my Grand Tour went reasonably well!!! More about Geraldton soon.

Tuesday – I’m off on walkabout

Have you ever noticed that "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" are both sung to the same tune? I'll leave you to think on that thought.

A week or so ago I thought that while I was here without Jane and the kids, I'd try to see some of Western Australia. It is a vast place. The city of Perth is a very tiny part, with 90% of the population of the state. I think I've said before, but Western Australia has about 2,000,000 people. Outside of Perth the distances are vast, but there are towns and villages dotted around.

These people have a right to ambulance treatment, just the same as the people in the city. Most of the small to medium-sized communities have their own ambulances, manned by St. John Ambulance Volunteers (the same as the St. John volunteers in the U.K. who do a fabulous job – I have to say that now, I work for them – at sporting events, and concerts). In the slightly larger communities there are ambulances that are manned by one paramedic and one volunteer (we lovingly know them as Wombles – insert jokes about picking up rubbish here – behind their backs, or Volley's to their faces ).

The paramedics are cherry-picked out of Perth, or they request to work out in the country. Anyway part of my grand plan of seeing Western Australia I volunteered to go and fill in short notice/short term in the country if anything came up. My request had only been in for about 2 days when the Country Ambulance Co-ordinator rang me and asked if I wanted to help out in a place called Geraldton.

Of course I did, as there is nothing keeping me in Perth at the moment. I've been asked to drive up on Wednesday, work on Thursday Day, Friday Day, Saturday Night, and Sunday Night, and then return back to Perth in time for my normal shift on Tuesday. "No problem" I thought, and I get an early day off in the bargain.

My day on Tuesday was taken up with packing (how much stuff do you need for 4 days of work besides uniform). That evening I went to my friend Earl and Jan's house. They are another South African couple, and there, along with about 6 or 7 others, we had a couple drinks, and some authentic South African food – no not Bourewort Sausage this time.

I tried to take some photos but they didn't come out – so let me describe it as best as possible. There was some type of corn bread that was made in a cast iron pot, which was cooked by sticking some glowing charcoal embers in it for about 40-45 minutes. And the meat was a type of stew (called a poikie – although I'm not sure about the spelling) that was again all made in a large cast iron pot with legs on it, this time over some more glowing coals. This is made by slowly laying various foods into the pot as it was sitting above the coals. There was some beef and onions in the bottom, then carrots, potatoes, green beans, and chick peas, with some stock and herbs, and a can of beer in it (actually not the can itself, but the beer inside it). This is left for 2-3 hours, not stirring it or anything, and then when it is time to serve, it is super yummy.

Anyway – Wednesday I am heading out to the bush. I'm looking forward to it. Oh – and by the way – why are you singing???